Oswald

Hi, today, I'd like to introduce a friend. Meet Oswald, he's been my classmate for 2 dreadful years, and a friend for umm...*counts with fingers* the 6th year. It's a very short time considering the number of times he's fucked me up.

Oswald's an umm..interesting person, let's see, i'll touch on the various aspects of his life as I move on, but first, i'll give u a general impression of wad kinda person he's like.

I classify human beings into 3 categories, that is, human beings in a group of friends. No.1 pple are those with character, they're the 'leaders', they've a temper, they've got charisma, they've got humour, they make the decisions, or they break em. They're a must have in non-blonde-bimbo groups.(Of course, they don't neccessarily have all the abovementioned qualities, but they'll have one of em at least, they're the most noticeable in amongst the group.

No.2 pple are like the sidekicks, they're easygoing, generally good-tempered. They can be loud but nonsensical, soft but humourous, but never both. They're ur average pple. Being no.1 or no.2 doesn't reflect ur iq or whatsoever, it's merely a general classification of personalities. Most groups of friends consists of no.1 and no.2 pple.

And dear Oswald, he happens to fall into the no.3 category. It's the category that's not worth mentioning at all, as learning about it and remembering the pple who belong to it will only bring a frown to your face.

No.3 pple are pple with no self-esteem, they have absolutely no contribution to anyone, anything. They have tons of bad habits, which are further honed by many other shortcomings.
And sadly, they usually have exceptional talents which are buried deep within their tainted souls.

No.3 pple are those who will call u up and tell u he's organised a gathering, he'll tell u the time and place, and the pple who're going. And if u duno him well enough, u'll go there, and see total strangers there.

What the hell happened? Is he out to fuck u up? No, his intentions are good, trust me, here's what happened. He called u up, and he wants u to go, so he tells u that everyone's going, and everything prepared. So u agreed, then he thought to himself, he's gonna call up the rest and sae the same thing, then he'll book the bbq pit and it'll be a wonderful day, but first, he'll take a short nap.

U should be able to guess the rest of the story.

It doesn't feel right putting Oswald in the no.3 category, cos he's far worse than that, but hell, I'll save the trouble. Let's analyse Oswald. Bit by bit.

School:
He's a total misfit in school. Girls shunned him, teachers hate him, even his pe shirt stinks on him. Let's quote some incidents.

There was once, we were supposed to have a chinese lit test, and Oswald talked on phone with Junhong the nite before and they decided to cheat. The textbook was small and can be easily tucked underneath the table. So both copied the answers from below the table, but it's a risky act, cos ur head's gonna be tilted at a different angle from others, so you'll have to be extra vigilant when you're doing it. Junhong's a smart boy, he noticed Wang Wen Xian standing up and walking towards em, so he kept his book and kept signalling Oswald to do the same.

Oswald saw her coming, but he told junhong to wait a while more, he wanna copy somemore......it's a classroom ffs, it takes but 4 steps to reach ur table from the teacher's desk dude. So Oswald kept on copying....and Wang Wen Xian was standing behind him....watching....then he turned and met her eyes. Guess what he said...

"Wo3 mei2 you3 chao1"

Woot! *stamps loser chop of Oswald's forehead*


We had a umm...monster in our class, shan't sae her name, but she's Junhong's best friend. She looks atrocious I must say. But we're civilised pple, and we do not judge a book by its cover. So pple normally try to be nice, or they simply avoid her. Saints treat her as a normal human being. I'm the type who keeps a safety distance of 7m at all times. Tuiphin doesn't have to react to her cos even she doesn't want to talk to him. Salvin flirts with her. Anderson's the same as her. Juehai's in mosque and won't see her. So that leaves Oswald, how does he face her? He covers his face with both hands and scream. Wth. Can u get anymore insensitive?

Caili looks like a bear, and there was a period of time, oswald would juz hug caili from behind and pat on his stomach and sae that caili is very cute, and he want to bring him home to rear as a pet. It's ok to do that, but it's not ok to do it consecutively for a week.

Even though Oswald's been deemed gay by us, he's still determined to prove that he's straight by expressing to us his interest in girls. He used to have this crush on umm...Weiqin? Ya. And he likes to sae that even if weiqin strips in the bus stop opposite, (insert positive or negative act depending on fatigue level). Yes, that's how shameless he was.

And in tpjc, everytime he has a crush on this girl, Jiaming, being the good fren he is will go flirt with her. And how will Oswald react? He'll sae "tsk", touch his hair, and pat Caili's tummy and say he very cute. Then he'll like another girl. Jiaming has been a busy boy.

Oh ya, after 'O' lvls, he got everyone to go poly with him, then he decided to transfer to tpjc, ugly and jiaming followed, poor tuiphin and junhong got left behind. So he's in tpjc, and then he heard that tp girls vv pretty, so he transferred to tp in his first year. Then he realised that the girls there are not so pretty after all, so he transferred back to tpjc, thus needing to repeat another year. Sigh...


Punctuality

One of his plus points, he's normally only late by half an hour(one of the earliest). There was once though, he was late for school, and he went to the void deck opposite and slept till school ended -.-


Family


Totally dysfunctional, who the hell are the osbournes? Meet the Oswalds. His parents are pious christians, and his brothers a thief. And he's the victim. His mum once told him not to mix with us cos we're bad pple cos we're not christians. He cried cos his sister stole his chocolate. And his dad hates him, you can tell from his pocket money. No, it's not discipline, it's not control, $4 a week is abuse.


Friends

Ahh, he's one lucky boy, he's got good friends. Tuiphin verbally abuses him every chance he's got, Jiaming flirts with all the girls he like, I defame him with blog entries like this. And Junhong makes him cry by promising they'll not study and fail the test together but Oswald fails as promised while junhong gets A. Salvin's nice to him cos he's gay. CAili's the nicest bah..he lets Oswald pat his tummy...but he got bite back Oswald de...hmm....


Good Points

... ... ... ... ... ... .... ... ... ... ... ... ... .....(can't see the words? Umm...try encoding? huh? still no? well mebbe it's cos I only put dots cos there's nothing to sae in this section)


Looks

Remember the guy who sang careless whisper super softly in Singapore Idol, there's a 92% resemblance between Oswald and him and 100% similarities in volume of voice. You can't hear OSwald speak, he's soft spoken, but u sure can hear him scream when you're watching movies. Yes that was us sitting in front of you when you were watching reincarnation, no we did not have a girl with us, it was indeed Oswald who was screaming.


Umm, this photo has been edited using paint by Jiaming and Ugly, the two of them did not take this photo together. Note the resemblence between oswald(left) and careless whisper(right)



Good points, seriously

......my cursor's been stuck here for 30secs and I still can't think of any. Screw you Oswald.
Okok, he's got piano grade 8 and he makes jm's pick-from-rubbish-bin electronic keyboard sounds like a real $4k piano

Ok, that's all I'll have u bear about Oswald, anymore bout him and you'll go to frenster, find his account, and spam him, no wait, frenster didn't let him create an account, it read: "Fuck off, loser, you've got no friends, so don't waste our bandwidth"

Yeah, wondering why I'm doing this to my fren? Well, cos I'm bored? Huh? Whether it'll affect our frenship? WEll mebbe, he mite get angry after read this post...then he'll go "tsk..hmm" *touches hair* mumbles mumbles...then i'll go "HUH?" Then he'll laugh and say "nothing...nothing.."

HAha, btw, evry fact I provided, is true, mebbe not to the minute details, but still, true. And if ever, u have a chance to acquaint him, pls, spit at him, do it fer me, fer us, fer the world, say no to terrorism, to world peace!

Hi.