Bear Hunting Season

Today, we shoot bears, why. Cause it deserves it.

Let me tell you a story, a heart breaking, tears inducing, legs wobblifying(no such word fyi) love story, between a bear, a homosexual and a damsel.


Once upon a time, in the faraway lands of Tam Pines. There was a school, not just a normal school, the 'students' it trains, are not normal students. They're trained in all forms of reconnaissance, each and every individual has a different specialty, and Mr. Cai li here, has one of the strongest moves in school.

Having claws that can rip anything to shreads, jaws so strong it can bite anything to two and fur so thick it shields him from any physical damage, he was......a bear.

Bears are considered the strongest beings on Earth, and therefore, he got into the best class by default. It's both a good and bad thing, cos being the best demands the best, and he's not the best, cos he's just a cub at heart, not yet a bear.

But he worked hard, and managed to secure a spot in the second place, he aimed to be the first, but hard as he might try, he can't beat this guy
.

His name is Robi, and he's a lord from a distant land. People call him Gaylord for short, cos he is gay.


Ok, both hero and villain's been introduced, damsel leh? Wait ah, i go extract her out of her class photo using paint.


Ahh, there she is, k, now for the evil plot and setting...
One day, she walks along the corridor and Caili saw her, it was love at first sight, yadda yadda yadda.... Bad guy gaylord abducted her and Caili wants to save her. And so he enlists the help of 2 of his friends, who happened to be among the strongest heroes to ever exist.


The legendary Oswald, and Ugly Anderson. Without any delay, the trio embarks on the journey across the perilious staircases and through the dangerous canteen, to the classroom, where they will face the darkess, gayest, most terrifying gaylord they'll ever face in their entire lifetimes.

Upon entering the gaylord's lair, Umpteen armed men rappalled down from the ceiling and pointed their muzzles at Anderson.

Oswald screamed.

Anderson shrieked, "Omg, caili!! Are they gaylord's minions???!?!?"

Caili scratched his head.

"Wrong, dumbfuck, the principal has alerted the police of ur presence and we're here to arrest you."

"But why?!?! What have I done wrong?" With that, Anderson took off his mask and the police standing in front of him fell to the ground instantly, white foam spewing from his mouth.

"Omg! You killed Frankie! You bastard! That's it! You're coming with us!" The armed men put a paper bag over Anderson's head, then a plastic bag, then a rubber bag, then a helmet, then a school bag, then wrapped his head in a curtain, splashed a tin of nippon paint over, and lastly, welding the now-big-as-an-elephant-head in die-cast metal.

"I'm sorry boy, this is for the world's safety, we cannot let anyone else see your hideous face."

"Omg Oswald! Remove your hand from that poor man's crotch!"

"Oops."

"Get the science teacher, tell him we've got a case study for tomorrow's human anatomy lesson." Caili shouted to the students gathering around, pointing at the dead police's corpse.


Suddenly, the sky darkens.....and a shadow looms over the crowd......the ultimate evil has arrived...

"Mwahaha, give it up bear, I'm gonna steam ur paw with lotus roots and feed it to my dog!"

"Shuddup! You don't have a dog!"

"Yes I have"

"No you don't"

"Yes I have"

"No you don't"

"No I don't"

"Yes you have"

"Ha! Gotcha!"

Caili tugs at his hair....

"Oh no!! I'm down to 90hit points! Oswald! Do it while he's got his guard down, quick! Use the straight-guys-hate-gays-gun! Kill him in one shot" *strikes a 007 pose* "Hah! I'm gonna save you girl, don't worry."

The girl screamed and took cover behind gaylord....

2mins later....

"Umm Oswald...where's the straight-guys-hate-gays-gun? Why isn't the gaylord down yet?!?! huh? Oswald? Oswald!!!"

All of a sudden, screams can be heard from the kindergarten opposite, and there's Oswald, chasing after the little girls......one hand on his crotch, humming 'You Are Not Alone'.

Caili smacked his forehead in dismay.

"It's ok, I can take you down myself!"

"No you can't"

"Yes I can"

"No you can't"

"Yes I can"

"Yes you can"

"No I can't"

"Ha! Got you again! Noob!"

Caili tugged at his hair again...

"Oh no, one more time, and I'm outta fur, and I'll freeze to death!"

"I have no choice, but to use my ultimate weapon...."

Caili's fur hardened, teeth sharpened, and snapped in a soft growl..
"Grr....i'm...hungry...."
And so he was, and he gobbled Gaylord up.

And they lived happily ever after. <3




~~*--*~~*--*~~*--*~~The End~~*--*~~*--*~~*--*~~*--*~~

p.s. Thanks for staying with me throughout the story, sorry for the fucked up ending, but it was sweet, wasn't it? And umm...the above story was totally fabricated and none of it is true, cept for the Oswald being paedophile part and the Anderson scaring pple to death part. I hope I have not offended anyone other than Oswald, Caili and Anderson in this entry, if so, I'll mosaic whoever feels their social status is being threatened.

Hi.