Confessions of undersexed teenage forum-posters part III
"Oei ftp, another fan letter wor, you've really got a way with those girls!" Exclaimed Junhong, holding a postcard decorated with colourful handwriting.
"Diam lah, must be those aunties trying to play afool." Tuiphin rejected him as he rummaged the room for his sequin jacket.
"Now where did that jacket go..."
"Orh..your power ranger vest ah? You're wearing it lah....wtf.."
Tuiphin looked down and blushed, "So..I've been wearing it all along huh.."
"Seriously, what's wrong with you?You need sex."
Tuiphin shrugged, picked up his briefcase and looked at the postcard Junhong was holding.
"Tear it."
"W...why? From your fan leh?" He was shocked by Tuiphin's request, Tuiphin has been extremely receptive of such affection.
"Read it, and you'll understand." He answered, and stepped out of the room.
Junhong read the postcard and instantly tore it away after reading the first sentence.
"Gosh, those sick malay sluts..."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
"Residents of Tampines! Welcome to tonight's ge1 tai2! And I'm pleased to announce that we have a very very special guest tonight! Guess who!!!!"
The crowd roared and started chanting Tuiphin's name.
The lights on the stage darkened and everyone went silent.
"Tommy and Laura were lovers...."
The spotlight shone on Tuiphin as his alluring voice filled the stage. The crowd was captivated. Ever since young, Tuiphin had been regarded as a child prodigy, but he declined all offers to groom him as a star. Till now, no one knew the reason behind his decision to remain in the Ge1 Tai2 industry.
The song ended with everyone in tears and some ladies on their knees even. That was his charm, at the age of 30, he could capture the heart of women of all ages.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"WAh Tuiphin, as usual sia, all the girls see you their legs become jelly.."
"Girls your head...all auntie lah" Tuiphin sneered.
"No leh, some of them got bring daughters leh, some really pretty, look like rainie 10 years ago."
Tuiphin stopped in his tracks, and turned around to face Junhong.
Junhong looked at him puzzledly, "Mmm?"
"Eh junhong, last week you jio me go tampines interchange play dota, why u pangseh."
"Cb, I thought you forget le..." Junhong mumbled to himself.
"Oh....I suddenly remembered, I saw Yuxin that day...."
"So what...people already.......bear his child le..." Junhong replied, rubbing his sole on the ground absent-mindedly.
"What the hell're you talking about? Yuxin bear whose child?" This time, it was Tuiphin who has was puzzled.
"Still got who, that bastard YiYang lor." JunHong replied casually.
"Huh? But when I walked past their stall, I saw SuHui feeding YiYang porridge leh, and she left laogong right laogong de."
Junhong looked up at Tuiphin, his eyebrows raised.
Tuiphin smiled, "So...what are you still waiting for..."
"Damnit that jackass, one leg stepping on two boats, I'll have it out with him! You go back yourself k"
With that, he sped away before Tuiphin could utter another word.
"Gosh...that dumbass, here I am trying to hint him that she's single and he actually thought she's his mistress." He gave a sigh and moved on.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
With both hands in his pocket, Tuiphin strolled down the pathway, where the pathway leads to, he doesn't know. He liked strolling aimlessly, and he could only do that when JunHong's around. JunHong was his only true friend, the only one who understood him and cared for him.
Joo Sheng takes advantage of him all the time, Jia Ming's too obsessed with flirting with girls, Anderson's too ugly, Oswald's a pussy, and Salvin has been warded into IMH due to mental breakdown.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
"Oh no, I don't see anyone in sight! Grr....Kitty...jiayou!" Kitty stopped, took off her heels, then continued running down the path.
She finally stopped at the park entrance, where she bent over and tried to catch her breath.
"Gosh....*pants*...I'm sure...I saw him walking in this direction."
"Who?" Asked a voice from behind her.
Kitty gave a start and turned around, to face a smiling Tuiphin.
"You!" She blurted and covered her mouth, realising her blooper.
Tuiphin gave a weak smile, looked into Kitty's eyes, and asked.
"Do you have time? Mind lending me your ear?"
The sparkle in her eyes made the sun look like charcoal in comparison.
"Why....for you..yes..i mean..." She bit her lips again and whispered to herself "Damnit Kitty, you're making a fool outta yourself."
They sat down at a nearby bench.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Kitty turned and look at Tuiphin, "So what do....oh my god! What's wrong?"
Tuiphin was covering his face with both palms and tears were streaming out from between his fingers, he was crying.
She shook her head and patted him on his back. "C'mon....thing's aren't so bad..."
"Fyesff, ffhey fare....*sniff*" His words were muffled as he spoke with his palms pressing against his lips.
"Well, you can lean on my shoulder....if you want to..." She gently offered.
Tuiphin hesitated for a moment, but leaned on her anyway.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
After what seemed like hours, Tuiphin sat up, raising both hands up to stretch, and yawned. Then he suddenly remembered Kitty, who has fallen asleep as well.
He put his hands down and relaxed, then turned around to face her. And he remembered that he had not taken a good look at her, and she was definitely the prettiest girl he had ever met.
He felt her right cheek with his left hand, running his left index finger along her jawline. Her skin was smooth as silk, and even her slumber looked like quilt. Tuiphin smiled, and pushed her fringe behind her ear.
That woke her up.
"Oops, looks like I fell asleep as well..." She yawned, rubbing her eyes.
"Sorry..did I wake you up?" Tuiphin asked, hand still behind her ear.
"Uhh..no..." She smiled awkwardly, and pushed Tuiphin's hand away.
"Sorry." He blushed.
"It's ok." She smiled.
"Well."
"Well."
They looked at each other, both cheeks red like tomatoes.
"You first."
"You first."
Again, they said it at the same time. They looked at each other again and laughed.
"Alright, I'll go first." Tuiphin said, with a foolish grin.
Kitty nodded.
"You know...you're different from others." He said.
She tilted her head a little to the left with a curious look on her face.
Tuiphin smiled. "You're the first girl, who's made me feel like I'm a normal person."
Kitty raised her eyebrows, "Mmm?"
"Normally, when girls see me, they just pounce on me, ask me for my signature...take photos with me...and that irks me. I love to sing, all I want to do is sing, why must I face so many other irritants? But you, you're different, you're the first who doesn't tell me how much you love me, you just sat down and lent me your shoulder to cry on, and now you're listening to me blabbering about my own problems. And I thank you for that."
Kitty nodded and smiled.
"So.....you aren't very fond of your female fans...are you...."
"Yes, and I especially hate those who got my address through underhand means and flood my mailbox with letters and gifts, I hate that kind of attention, it's so.......fake! So.....superficial!"
She nodded and smiled again. She didn't say anything.
------------------------------------------------------------
"Do you believe in love at first sight?" Asked Tuiphin.
Kitty nodded.
"I don't...at least...I didn't...untill now..." Tuiphin added.
She looked at him.
Tuiphin felt his heart racing, he was falling for a girl he barely knew for three hours.
Kitty looked down and started swinging her legs sideways.
"So...did you read the postcard?"
"Postcard?" Tuiphin looked surprised.
"Hmm...You should've received it last night....I made it really colourful so that you'll notice it."
Tuiphin's eyes widened in bewilderment.
"Oh my freaking God! You're that fucking mal...."
She gave him a hard slap before he could finish his line.
"That was swedish you dumbass, it took me a whole night to translate it from English using a small little dictionary, and you thought it was malay?"
With that, she stomped off, leaving her heels behind.
Tuiphin picked up her heels and shouted after her, "Hey your hee....."
"Fuck off!!" She screamed back at him.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Tuiphin gave up chasing her and looked down at the pair of silver heels he was holding.
"Gosh I don't even know her name......what's this....Cinderella 2016?"
"The clock has struck midnight and the lady has gone home, and the prince, holding the glass shoes in hand, will turn the town upside down...in search of his true love, the one who can fit into the shoes....." Tuiphin smiled to himself.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
The phone rang.
"Yoyoyoyo! Caili in the house yo!" Caili answered the phone.
"Don't be gay, Caili, I need a favour" It was Tuiphin's voice.
"What's up man!"
"Dude are you on crack? It's not Friday afternoon, stop acting like one of em!"
"Sorry..." Replied a calmed Caili.
"I need you to go friendster and help me find a girl."
"Orh, so..what's her name?"
"Don't know."
"Huh...how old is she, where she live? Where she study last time?"
"Don't know."
"Then how you want me to find her? Tell me what you know." Caili was beginning to find the request absurd.
"She's a girl."
"Ok, that helped, now we've cut the list by half."
"She's pretty." Tuiphin replied in a dreamy tone.
"Yes bro! That was the most important link, now I've narrowed the search result to 20!"
"She's...chinese, and her skin very white...very soft....and has waist-long hair"
"Wah, this one also you know, oh I think I found her. Gosh, I never thought this would be so easy, Singapore girls really so hopeless ah..only one skin white white soft soft, got long hair and is pretty." Caili mumbled through the phone.
"So what's her name?" Tui phin was becoming excited.
"Kily Gonzalez" came the reply.
"WHAT?" Exclaimed Tuiphin.
"Kitty Gong." Caili corrected himself.
Tuiphin heaved a sigh of relief and hung up.
"Kitty Kitty....Puppy'll find you no matter where you are." He promised as he held on tightly to the pair of silver heels.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Diam lah, must be those aunties trying to play afool." Tuiphin rejected him as he rummaged the room for his sequin jacket.
"Now where did that jacket go..."
"Orh..your power ranger vest ah? You're wearing it lah....wtf.."
Tuiphin looked down and blushed, "So..I've been wearing it all along huh.."
"Seriously, what's wrong with you?You need sex."
Tuiphin shrugged, picked up his briefcase and looked at the postcard Junhong was holding.
"Tear it."
"W...why? From your fan leh?" He was shocked by Tuiphin's request, Tuiphin has been extremely receptive of such affection.
"Read it, and you'll understand." He answered, and stepped out of the room.
Junhong read the postcard and instantly tore it away after reading the first sentence.
"Gosh, those sick malay sluts..."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
"Residents of Tampines! Welcome to tonight's ge1 tai2! And I'm pleased to announce that we have a very very special guest tonight! Guess who!!!!"
The crowd roared and started chanting Tuiphin's name.
The lights on the stage darkened and everyone went silent.
"Tommy and Laura were lovers...."
The spotlight shone on Tuiphin as his alluring voice filled the stage. The crowd was captivated. Ever since young, Tuiphin had been regarded as a child prodigy, but he declined all offers to groom him as a star. Till now, no one knew the reason behind his decision to remain in the Ge1 Tai2 industry.
The song ended with everyone in tears and some ladies on their knees even. That was his charm, at the age of 30, he could capture the heart of women of all ages.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"WAh Tuiphin, as usual sia, all the girls see you their legs become jelly.."
"Girls your head...all auntie lah" Tuiphin sneered.
"No leh, some of them got bring daughters leh, some really pretty, look like rainie 10 years ago."
Tuiphin stopped in his tracks, and turned around to face Junhong.
Junhong looked at him puzzledly, "Mmm?"
"Eh junhong, last week you jio me go tampines interchange play dota, why u pangseh."
"Cb, I thought you forget le..." Junhong mumbled to himself.
"Oh....I suddenly remembered, I saw Yuxin that day...."
"So what...people already.......bear his child le..." Junhong replied, rubbing his sole on the ground absent-mindedly.
"What the hell're you talking about? Yuxin bear whose child?" This time, it was Tuiphin who has was puzzled.
"Still got who, that bastard YiYang lor." JunHong replied casually.
"Huh? But when I walked past their stall, I saw SuHui feeding YiYang porridge leh, and she left laogong right laogong de."
Junhong looked up at Tuiphin, his eyebrows raised.
Tuiphin smiled, "So...what are you still waiting for..."
"Damnit that jackass, one leg stepping on two boats, I'll have it out with him! You go back yourself k"
With that, he sped away before Tuiphin could utter another word.
"Gosh...that dumbass, here I am trying to hint him that she's single and he actually thought she's his mistress." He gave a sigh and moved on.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
With both hands in his pocket, Tuiphin strolled down the pathway, where the pathway leads to, he doesn't know. He liked strolling aimlessly, and he could only do that when JunHong's around. JunHong was his only true friend, the only one who understood him and cared for him.
Joo Sheng takes advantage of him all the time, Jia Ming's too obsessed with flirting with girls, Anderson's too ugly, Oswald's a pussy, and Salvin has been warded into IMH due to mental breakdown.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
"Oh no, I don't see anyone in sight! Grr....Kitty...jiayou!" Kitty stopped, took off her heels, then continued running down the path.
She finally stopped at the park entrance, where she bent over and tried to catch her breath.
"Gosh....*pants*...I'm sure...I saw him walking in this direction."
"Who?" Asked a voice from behind her.
Kitty gave a start and turned around, to face a smiling Tuiphin.
"You!" She blurted and covered her mouth, realising her blooper.
Tuiphin gave a weak smile, looked into Kitty's eyes, and asked.
"Do you have time? Mind lending me your ear?"
The sparkle in her eyes made the sun look like charcoal in comparison.
"Why....for you..yes..i mean..." She bit her lips again and whispered to herself "Damnit Kitty, you're making a fool outta yourself."
They sat down at a nearby bench.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Kitty turned and look at Tuiphin, "So what do....oh my god! What's wrong?"
Tuiphin was covering his face with both palms and tears were streaming out from between his fingers, he was crying.
She shook her head and patted him on his back. "C'mon....thing's aren't so bad..."
"Fyesff, ffhey fare....*sniff*" His words were muffled as he spoke with his palms pressing against his lips.
"Well, you can lean on my shoulder....if you want to..." She gently offered.
Tuiphin hesitated for a moment, but leaned on her anyway.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
After what seemed like hours, Tuiphin sat up, raising both hands up to stretch, and yawned. Then he suddenly remembered Kitty, who has fallen asleep as well.
He put his hands down and relaxed, then turned around to face her. And he remembered that he had not taken a good look at her, and she was definitely the prettiest girl he had ever met.
He felt her right cheek with his left hand, running his left index finger along her jawline. Her skin was smooth as silk, and even her slumber looked like quilt. Tuiphin smiled, and pushed her fringe behind her ear.
That woke her up.
"Oops, looks like I fell asleep as well..." She yawned, rubbing her eyes.
"Sorry..did I wake you up?" Tuiphin asked, hand still behind her ear.
"Uhh..no..." She smiled awkwardly, and pushed Tuiphin's hand away.
"Sorry." He blushed.
"It's ok." She smiled.
"Well."
"Well."
They looked at each other, both cheeks red like tomatoes.
"You first."
"You first."
Again, they said it at the same time. They looked at each other again and laughed.
"Alright, I'll go first." Tuiphin said, with a foolish grin.
Kitty nodded.
"You know...you're different from others." He said.
She tilted her head a little to the left with a curious look on her face.
Tuiphin smiled. "You're the first girl, who's made me feel like I'm a normal person."
Kitty raised her eyebrows, "Mmm?"
"Normally, when girls see me, they just pounce on me, ask me for my signature...take photos with me...and that irks me. I love to sing, all I want to do is sing, why must I face so many other irritants? But you, you're different, you're the first who doesn't tell me how much you love me, you just sat down and lent me your shoulder to cry on, and now you're listening to me blabbering about my own problems. And I thank you for that."
Kitty nodded and smiled.
"So.....you aren't very fond of your female fans...are you...."
"Yes, and I especially hate those who got my address through underhand means and flood my mailbox with letters and gifts, I hate that kind of attention, it's so.......fake! So.....superficial!"
She nodded and smiled again. She didn't say anything.
------------------------------------------------------------
"Do you believe in love at first sight?" Asked Tuiphin.
Kitty nodded.
"I don't...at least...I didn't...untill now..." Tuiphin added.
She looked at him.
Tuiphin felt his heart racing, he was falling for a girl he barely knew for three hours.
Kitty looked down and started swinging her legs sideways.
"So...did you read the postcard?"
"Postcard?" Tuiphin looked surprised.
"Hmm...You should've received it last night....I made it really colourful so that you'll notice it."
Tuiphin's eyes widened in bewilderment.
"Oh my freaking God! You're that fucking mal...."
She gave him a hard slap before he could finish his line.
"That was swedish you dumbass, it took me a whole night to translate it from English using a small little dictionary, and you thought it was malay?"
With that, she stomped off, leaving her heels behind.
Tuiphin picked up her heels and shouted after her, "Hey your hee....."
"Fuck off!!" She screamed back at him.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Tuiphin gave up chasing her and looked down at the pair of silver heels he was holding.
"Gosh I don't even know her name......what's this....Cinderella 2016?"
"The clock has struck midnight and the lady has gone home, and the prince, holding the glass shoes in hand, will turn the town upside down...in search of his true love, the one who can fit into the shoes....." Tuiphin smiled to himself.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
The phone rang.
"Yoyoyoyo! Caili in the house yo!" Caili answered the phone.
"Don't be gay, Caili, I need a favour" It was Tuiphin's voice.
"What's up man!"
"Dude are you on crack? It's not Friday afternoon, stop acting like one of em!"
"Sorry..." Replied a calmed Caili.
"I need you to go friendster and help me find a girl."
"Orh, so..what's her name?"
"Don't know."
"Huh...how old is she, where she live? Where she study last time?"
"Don't know."
"Then how you want me to find her? Tell me what you know." Caili was beginning to find the request absurd.
"She's a girl."
"Ok, that helped, now we've cut the list by half."
"She's pretty." Tuiphin replied in a dreamy tone.
"Yes bro! That was the most important link, now I've narrowed the search result to 20!"
"She's...chinese, and her skin very white...very soft....and has waist-long hair"
"Wah, this one also you know, oh I think I found her. Gosh, I never thought this would be so easy, Singapore girls really so hopeless ah..only one skin white white soft soft, got long hair and is pretty." Caili mumbled through the phone.
"So what's her name?" Tui phin was becoming excited.
"Kily Gonzalez" came the reply.
"WHAT?" Exclaimed Tuiphin.
"Kitty Gong." Caili corrected himself.
Tuiphin heaved a sigh of relief and hung up.
"Kitty Kitty....Puppy'll find you no matter where you are." He promised as he held on tightly to the pair of silver heels.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
posted by Joo Sheng | 9:45 PM
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