Confessions of undersexed forum-posters

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Hi, let's see, I've got a bunch of losers and a bunch of pretty girls they've got crushes on, so let's see what we can do...

Candidate no.1: Caili

Characteristics: Disgusting, chubby, crippled (for now), digs nose with all ten fingers, uses camera to take photos of his own leg hair.

Crush: Yeung Fan



Mock scenario 1:

After much procrastination, Caili finally mustered enough courage to confess to Yeung Fan

"Umm....hi!" Caili greeted her, one hand scratching the back of his head.

"Hello!"

"Well..you know...we've known each other for like...2 years and we haven't really...got to know each other yet....so..."

"Dinner?"

Caili blushed for that was just what he wanted.

"Uhh ..yeah..."

Yeung Fan takes out her notebook and flips through it.

"Hmm..let's see...how bout....next friday?"

"Sure, clerks don't work on friday! Macdonald's?"

"How bout the new french restaurant in town? I heard the food there's great!"

Caili's eyes bulged out, he retrieved his wallet and rummaged through it.

Guess I'll just have to sell my 3rd hand Phantom, he thought to himself.

"So it's settled then...our... date?" Yeung Fan asked with a titter.

Caili nodded as though his head was connected to his body by a Three hundred and sixty degrees rotational ball bearing rather than the fat, short and stiff neck he actually has.

"Alrighty, this Friday, 7.30pm? Remember to make the reservations! Hee~"

Caili looked as if he had been posessed by a semi-retarded potianak, taking his phone out and dialling the numbers as if he's the lines for Singapore Idols's going to be closed.

The reservations were made.

Caili turned to face Yeung Fan, hoping for something more than a promise, only to see a queer look on her face.

"Umm...sorry...I've been on phone with Robi all this while....."

She pointed to the bluetooth receiver on the side of her face facing away from Caili

"You were trying to tell me something?"

"Umm....nothing.....hey look! a purple mosquito!" He pointed behind Yeung Fan.

And he took his leave, unnoticed, while she shifted her full attention to the mosquito that wasn't there.

Blue Masquerade

As he tightened the knot on his right shoelace, trickles of sweat rolled down his cheeks and dripped onto the ground.And when he stood up from the half-squat position he was in, time ran out.

It was now or never, anymore time wasted, and the thing he had always dreaded would finally happen.
However, being the stubborn man he had always been, Anderson decided to hold it off a little longer, just a little bit.

He took a deep breath, and bent down to retie his left shoelace....then he heard the voice.

"It's coming...."

"(Wh...what was that...? Oh well..probably my mind playing tricks on me..)" He thought to himself.

And again, he heard the voice, "It's coming...."

He stood up and looked around, trying to locate the source of the mysterious voice.

He was in a lift, with his crush, Christina beside him.

"Why're you staring at me like that?" She asked.

"mmf...s...sorry..."

"You're acting strange."

"It's..nothing...I just feel...funny.."

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah...yeah..(If you kiss me right now, yeah!)"

"Why are you smiling to yourself now?!" Christina frowned.

"Oh..oh...uhh..nothing......" Anderson replied, shaking his head and waving both hands in front of her frantically.

"Weirdo"

That last word certainly made Anderson's day, for that had been the last word he wanted to reach his ears after five years of courtship which resulted in nothing but dust, as well as a hole in his pocket.

"Well..umm..Chris....."

"What?" She snapped without even looking at him, she was getting irritated.

And Anderson finally understood that.

"Umm...you know..after all these years...there's been something I'd always wanted to tell you...and I guess today's the day~" He said gleefully, biting his lips.

She turned away and grinned.

He took her hands, grasped them gently with both his hands, held it up to his chest and looked deep into her eyes.

"Chris...you know how much I like you....and you know how serious I am about you....I just want to know..now...how you feel about me..."

She did not resist but smiled warmly instead. She removed her left hand from Anderson's grip and started playing with his fringe.

"Well....sweety.....I've been very patient with you all these years, and I must say, no other guys have treated me as well as you do, and I will go out with no other man except you."

She went on.

"That is....if every single being on the planet, including all the animals died. Seriously, I'd rather go out with a kangaroo than you. And if you don't release me now you're gonna get something real hard coming at your groin."

She tapped the floor with her heel.

Anderson let go of her hands,took a step back and held his hands out in defence.

"Wait! It's ok...I know what you mean now, and I won't force you ...but...well...now ..I can be myself again...here's...something for you...dear...Christina..."

He shuddered.

"(So this was what the mysterious voice was all about...it's all clear to me now, all the effort used to hold it off till the lift door opens has been in vain. It's coming indeed and it has just arrived.)"






And he farted.



The lift door opened and out stepped a brand new Anderson, leaving behind an unconscious Christina inside the blue box of stench.

New song~

Hope you like the song I've put up, you can play it from the left sidebar, below the archives, enjoy music at its best ^.^

How well do you know the races?

Hmm...ok,
Salleh (Arab),
Anderson (Normal, below-average looking chinese),
Kumar (Indian),
Mikael (Swedish) and
Irwan (Malay) are going to play block catching in a 13-storey high HDB block.

Salleh's IT.

Who'll get caught first?

*******************************************************************************

As he strapped on the final layer of tape around the explosives on his chest, Salleh knew he didn't have much time before time is up. And if he's gonna bring someone to hell with him, it's gonna be that Swede.

Mikael knew he's being targeted, as he strode along the corridors of the 8th floor, looking for a good hiding place. Time was running out.

"God damned Arabs, all they know is hunt us whites, can't they go for some Asian meat instead, godamnit....Ah!! A riser closet, if only I can squee..."

And he squeezed into the little space.

A minute passed.....

Then two....

Then three....

And the door opened.....revealing a tall, chubby, dark and angry Salleh.

"Tag, you're it. And I'm gonna blow you up!!!"

"But h....how did you know?"

"Cut down on your meatballs, your farts gave you out, dumbo"

"Ch...cheater!!"


"Oh yeah? Ur god damn country can't even beat those german shephards and their hotdogs in soccer."


*Mikael, in tears* "B...but we still have out meatballs!!!!"


"Nope, the chinese ones taste better....well, it doesn't really matter cos you're gonna die now!!!"

With that, salleh rips off his shirt to reveal the many many cheap and poorly-taped explosives and chuckles gleefully.

"So this is how it feels when you're gonna kill for justice"

Mikael puts a finger to his lips with an extremely intrigued expression.

"Kill? Ummm...sorry...but...how???"

Salleh throws back with a big laugh. "Hahahaha, but of course, with thi...."

"..."

"..."

"Now where did I put that igniter....godamnit!"

"Oh issit that white L-shaped thing you left at my place before coming over? I thought it was a bottle opener!"

SAlleh's eyes widened, everything has come to an end, his cover blown, his objective failed, his ideal crushed. Tears began to well up.

Mikael gave him a pat on the back, "C'mon dude, don't be sad, stop all these terrorist bullshit, I'll treat you to some meatballs after I find that AZN(abbv. for asian) ass.

Salleh rubbed his eyes and the frown turned into a smile almost immediately, just like a kid.

"b...but...that doesn't mean I won't blow everyone up when I find that bottl...pfft...ignitor in ur place...". Salleh pouted.

"Whatever....".

----So now, Mikael's it, did you guess it? So who's next? ANderson, Irwan or Kumar?

Conspiracies at its darkess...

When u watched the news, it said that smrt and sbs are applying for a hike in bus and mrt fares...you think that's so that they can earn more...well you got it all wrong..

The mastermind behind all these public transport hikes is actually.......




*drum roll*













SINGAPORE SPORTS COUNCIL

REmember(duno who but he said something on tv)'s promise that Singapore will enter the World Cup by 2010? Realised that there has been lesser and lesser campaigns that encourages Singaporean to exercise?


Has Singapore sports council's healthy lifestyle campaign slackened? Hell no. It has pickened up in fact, discreetly.....

There's a reason why most of the people on top have a DR. in front of their names, they're not earning their pay for nothing. They've come up with a plot so dark it had us all bluffed.

The hike in fares is actually initiated by the sports council. By raising the taxi fares first, people will sigh and take more buses and MRTs. Making buses and MRTs our only mode of public transport.

And now, they're applying for a hike, and it'll most probably be approved. Why? Why do this in stages? Why not raise all prices together? Well, the impact would've been different.

If the fares of taxis, buses and MRTs have been raised altogether. People will just sob to Richie Ren's 'ku1 ge4 tong4 kuai4' and suck it up cos they've no other choice, just like GST.

However, by raising the taxi's fares first. People will think they can evade the fare hike by switching to taking buses and MRTs. And NOW that they've increased the fares of those as well, people will realise that all their efforts have been futile, all their hopes dashed, all the dreams pulverised.

And many, with absolute resolve to defeat the menacing(misunderstood) LTA will switch to

1) Walking/jogging to a few stops ahead so as to save cut away the increment of fares.
2) Simply quit taking public transport as a sign of rebellion
3)Cycle
4) Give in.

Note: Car-owners are not affected by this post.

3 out of 4 options require a certain form of exercise ie; walking, running, cycling.

There you go, the darkest ongoing conspiracy, uncovered, by the brilliant me. And we're one step closer to world cup 2010. (Cos people run faster le :) )

DISCLAIMER: All the info and thoughts above are purely personal and has no intention to affect or change anyone's mindset and thinking towards anyone or anything.

Just a suggestion, maybe we should ban Malay ladies above 100kg from taking buses cos they make up the majority of the obese population. They DO NEED the exercise.


Hi.