30 - Chapter 4: Preparations

“Come to me baby…mumumumumuuuuarkzzzzz…oh yeah baby….yeah yeah oh yeah!!!! Hmm..baby…..I never knew you had a moustache….you naughty little fox, oh well, I won’t mind a little prick…come to papa!”

“You’ll do good to wake up now, Holy Knight. And you never seem to take that helm off do you…”

Anderson opened his eyes to find himself staring into Jun’s eyes, his tongue still on his moustache. He was petrified.

Jun stood up and wiped Anderson’s saliva off his moustache.

“M’lord…it’s late….” Anderson blushed.

“Yes, I know, holy knight, but this is important. I’ve some things I must get off my heart.”

“But a simple prod would’ve waked me up, you didn’t have to get so close….”

Jun laughed a little, then walked to the window and and pushed it open. The moon was shrouded by dark clouds which loomed over Tarniania, as if telling of the impending doom about to befall her. He could also see the Tarnianian walls, and images of them collapsing under Frankian forces flashed in his mind. He tried to shake the images off but Ming’s words were deeply etched in his mind. As much as he’d like to fight, he knew that Tarniania for sure would not be able to withstand the siege.

“Anderson.” Jun remained by the window.

“Yes M’lord.” Anderson had gotten up and was almost done suiting up.

“Gather thirty of our best soldiers, I want them all equipped and ready to move off by dawn. And release Phin, he shall join the roll call tomorrow. Keep Angelina hungry though.”

“Consider it done, m’lord.” Anderson bowed.

Jun made for the door, and paused for a moment as he stepped out. “The fate of Tarniania will depend on these 30 lads, Anderson.”

“Aye my lord, I understand.” Anderson remained bowed.

Jun stepped out of the chamber and closed the door softly before leaving.

“Well done, Ming, here’re your bananas as promised.”

Ming’s eyes brightened and he clapped his hands with delight as the mysterious figure tossed him a bunch of bananas.

“Your job is done, and no one will hear of this, God-King Frankie will reward you handsomely when Tarniania falls.”

Ming hugged the bunch of bananas to his chest tightly and bowed slightly, “Aye, safe travels, General.”

“I will need to return to the Frankian camp, meanwhile I will need you to keep an eye on Li, he may have sworn his allegiance to Frankie but he has not been purified like we have.”

“Purified?”

The mysterious figure pointed to his own groin, “Yes, purified.”

“Oh, we call that circumcision here.” Ming replied with a proud look as he had been the one asking the questions for too long, and for once, he was the one answering.

“I see, very well then, I bid you farewell, my friend.” The mysterious figure faded into the night as he finished his line.

“Wow I always wondered how he did that…..maybe it’s the bananas.” Ming talked to himself as he peeled a banana excitedly.

30 - Chapter 3: Blessings

Nightfall, the Tarnianians had turned in early that night, leaving the tavern the only place bustling with life.

Jun stepped out into his courtyard and looked up into the sky, “Ahh, the night skies of tarniania, how beautiful…”

A pair arms wrapped him gently from behind.

Jun placed his arms over hers, “Don’t worry Ivy, I won’t be long…”

“Who?” It was Erika’s voice.

Jun jumped, “Oh, nothing.”

“Why’re you in your climbing gear, and why are you carrying such a huge pouch of gold?” Erika asked.

“Oh, I’m going to climb the mountains to the altar at the top, where the high priests reside, and this pouch of gold, it’s to buy those greedy and lecherous priests’ blessings. Damn, I hate climbing.”

“Well, good news I guess, it’s Tuesday, ladies’ night, they should be in the tavern.”

“Oh, cool, I’ll go there then.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Ivy.”

“Who?”

“Oh, nothing, you my dear.” Jun turned around, kissed her forehead and scurried off to the tavern, whilst thanking the gods he had a stupid wife.

No one noticed Jun entering the tavern as everyone was drunk and partying. It wasn’t difficult to spot the high priests as they have boils all over them ---- the boils serve as a mark of the priests, the bigger the boils, the more powerful the priest is. Indeed, Jun found them half-naked in a dark corner, surrounding a young man. The young man looked like Oswald to Jun but he shook the idea off as Oswald seemed like a decent boy.

Jun grabbed the leader of the high priests -identified by the ridiculously large boil on his forehead- by the throat and dragged him out of the tavern.

“Blasphemy! Jun! It is a sin to man-handle a servant of the Gods!”

“Screw the Gods, screw you.” Jun bellowed at the Priest’s face.

The music had stopped and a crowd gathered, profanities could be heard from amongst the crowd made up mostly by drunkards.

Jun grabbed the priest by his collar and lifted him off the ground. “Listen to me filthy Ming and listen well, the Frankians are going to lay siege on Tarniania soon, and if we don’t make battle plans, I’ll see how many lads’ behinds you will be able to take to the grave with you.”

“Let me go, imbecile. We shall consult the oracle.” Ming replied calmly.

Jun laid the scrawny man back on the ground. Ming turned and gave a signal to the rest of the high priests and they gathered around him, leaving the Oswald-look-alike by himself at the corner.

Jun took a closer look, the lad is Oswald, no doubt about it.

Ming mumbled some incoherent words and the lad fell almost immediately into a deep trance.

Ming took two steps back; everyone’s attention was on Oswald. All of a sudden, he stripped and started dancing even though there’s no music to dance to. It carried on for some time before the lad fell back to the ground, motionless.

Ming ran over to him and bent over, placing his face just over the lad’s. He ran his lips over his smooth left cheek lustfully and gave him a small peck on his lips. The sight was horrendous to bear even for the blind. The lad came to and whispered some words into Ming’s ears.

Ming stood up and turned to face Jun. “The oracle has spoken, foolish Jun. Tarniania shall not go to war.”

Jun moved up to Ming, grabbed him by the collar again and pushed him right up against the wall. Their faces so close they could feel each other’s breaths.

“Listen here, fool, Tarniania WILL go to war. I come to seek your blessings, not your permission. Name your price.” Jun scowled.

Ming took advantage of the situation and sneaked a peck on Jun’s lips. Jun’s face writhed in terror, he spat at Ming’s face and jumped back instantly.

Ming smirked and showed Jun a five with his left hand.

Jun nodded and tossed a bag of gold coins in front of Ming. Ming looked down at the bag of coins, then focused his gaze back on Jun as he tried to hide his smile.

“Not enough? That’s five thousand gold pieces, don’t go overboard, sharkfood.”

Ming seemed unfazed by the insults, instead, he smiled. “I wasn’t referring to gold coins, Jun. I want five bunches of bananas.”

Jun was furious when he heard Ming, “Bananas do not grow in Tarniania! Don’t try and play the fool with me, Ming.”

Ming folded his arms and sneered, “Well, no blessings from the high priests then, goodnight, m’lord.”

Jun pointed straight at Ming’s face, “Fine then, Tarniania will go to war, and win the war, with or without your blessings.”

With that, he turned and left the tavern, slamming the door behind him.

30 - Chapter 2: Messages of War

As the frankian horsemen galloped through the streets of Tarniania, whispers of both fear and excitement could be heard amongst the Tarnianians who saw them.

The horsemen slowed to a trot as they approached King Jun’s courtyard. King Jun stood there in the middle of the courtyard, eyes fixed on the messengers from Frankia, expressionless.

The leader trotted all the way to Jun’s face. Jun stared into the horse’s eyes, he could feel the animal’s breath on his face, it was warm and smelt like seaweed.

“Up here, King Jun.” a voice came from above the horse.

“Ah so that’s where you are!” Jun looked surprised to find a man on the horse.

The men got off their horses and gathered in front of Jun.

“We bring you a message from God-King Monkey, I mean…Frankie.”

“Cool, let’s hear it.”

“By now, you should have heard wind that it will not be long before Tarniania is surrounded by our massive army.”

Jun nodded.

“Bring it on! We’re not afraid of monkeys!” The voice came from behind Jun and it was a woman’s voice, Erika’s voice.

“King Jun, how dare a mere woman speak such daring words in front of men?”

“Because only women give birth to true Tarnianian men!” Erika pouted, sticking out her tongue.

The messenger stared in disbelief as Jun shrugged and feigned ignorance.

“Go on, messenger, what does Frankie want to tell us?” Li tried to break out of the awkward situation.

“As God-King Frankie is merciful, all we ask from Tarniania is some food and land as a sign of submission under the might of God-King Frankie and Tarniania will be spared.” The messenger said warily.

Jun looked at Anderson and Li, they nodded at one another and Jun turned back to face the messenger.

“Fine by us, does he want chickens or pigs? As for the land…will he want the ones we grow rice on? Or the ones we grow vegetables on?” Jun replied the messenger.

The messenger had a worried look all of a sudden, and turned back to signal his companions to gather for a discussion.

“Alamak abang! You said they sure won’t surrender, now they surrender, we sure mati la!”

“Mati la…God-King Monkey say we must provoke them till they wage war…”

“How I know he bapok…aiyo, think if we go back sure die painfully, why not kill ourselves here?”

“Good idea.”

All the messengers nodded in agreement, and together they ran towards a bottomless pit down the street and jumped down.

It happened too fast and by the time Jun realized what had happened, it was too late.

“Bummer! This is not Sparta! This is Tarnianiaaaaaa!”

“M…M’lord….if his messengers do not return, he will definitely lay siege, we must prepare for war.” Li said to Jun.

“Very well then, prepare for battle, I shall visit the high priests and seek advice.”