Hmm....

Well, this thing's been bogging me for years. I've kept it within me all along. Everyday, it's been like a caged beast, thrashing around, wanting to be unleashed. But I've kept mum about it, cos it's embarrassing....

Why the secrecy? If I wanna keep it a secret, why will I wanna talk bout it now? Cos I can't hold it any longer, I need to let it all out. I don't care if it'll tarnish my reputation, neither do I care if it'll make my parents angry with me. I don't care anymore.

After so many years, I've had it, all these pretendence. Trying to mask this fact........just so that I can still lift up my head, when in fact, all I've been facing this world in, has been a mask all along. The real me never dared to come out. But it's different now, I shall stop hiding, I will tell everyone this secret I held so dearly.

My friends will despise me, my families desert me, and those who don't know me, will laugh at me. But I shan't give a damn, cos if I keep my mouth shut any longer, my fuse might just snap.


If you guys are truly my frens.......then promise...you won't laugh at me, nor despise me after you read what you're gonna read. For it has been my utmost secret for years, and I didn't dare tell it even to my dearest. Please, our frenship, our bond, it's extremely important to me, and I don't want to lose it just because of this dumb secret.

I'm sweating as I'm typing this. Things have never looked so bad.....never have I felt like this....never have I felt that I'm gonna lose everything overnight. But I shd've known that this day's coming. From the day I did that thing. I shd never have done that. And I still feel guilty, damnit, I've been such an asshole..

Conscience? Moral? Well, nah....if I'd those, I wouldn't have kept mum bout it for so long....It's just the mental stress I can't handle no longer.....before I say it all out and cast myself into lifetime damnation. I'd like to apologize...to whom I'm saying sorry to is none of your concerns. Just know that I'm sorry and if I'd a second chance, I never would have done it.

*takes a deep breath* Oh well....here it goes...it was that day...that time...I could never forget.....I wanted to try it at least once in my life......and so I did it, I typed all these to waste your time and now I'm feeling proud of it.

Hi.

Let's talk bout MapleStory

Hmm...firstly...issit still called MapleStory? Tuiphin kept saying MapleSea...MapleSea....hmm, duno, dun care.

Hmm..Maple has been on my hate-list for years, let's trace it back to where it started...if I remember correctly...it all started from...gunbound? As in, all the cutesy cutesy avatars and backgrounds.

I played gunbound for a while, it was pretty fun, you choose different avatars which have different abilities, and you fight it out with other players in a battlefield, worms style.

It really takes skill to win, cos you have to take into consideration the terrain, the angle, and many other factors when making each shot. So only the most experienced, or the most lucky, will prevail.

But it got old quickly, partly because the focus was on making new accessories, not avatars, and they're beginning to charge fees. So Singaporeans who're extremely cheapskate began looking for an alternative.

Their prayers got answered by Asia Soft, when it produced MapleStory. It was an 'mmorpg' whereby you create a cutesy character from 4 classes and a few tweakings to some facial and hair colour contrasts leading to a rather general and similar appearance, and go around the maple world chopping creeps like......umm..mushrooms....tree logs...pigs......hold on, i need to.... .... .... .... to....sorry excuse m....*holds mouth*...*enters a chain of spasms, puking all over the place in the process*
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Sorry for being rude...
*wipes mouth* "Hey Mom, can you pls ask the tenant to stop watching suria? It's irksome, thanks."

Ok, where was I...Oh, right, the creeps, ya, isn't it dumb? Using cute characters to chop other cute characters? All my games I've played, it's cute/pretty characters chopping ugly/irritating/cute-plus-ugly/irritating creeps. It's the way games are, it's just wrong for pretty characters to chop pretty characters.

CLASSES
Nothing original, base classes are warrior, thief and mage and archer. Very basic concepts, warriors are adept at close quarter combat
, mage at casting spells and archer at range combat. But it all boils down to 1 dull tactic, stay at a comfortable distance and hack at the creep.

The wizards are really archers, and are thieves as well, just that their range attacks take on a different name and animate differently.

There is no distinction between the classes except for some skill difference, it's the same play style for all four classes, despite the various upper classes they branch off to.

PLAYERS
Now here's one good thing about maple, you get to find all the retards gathered in one place. There're people who'd spend 100000hours training up their chars, juz to start new ones so they can spend another 1000000hours training up, and it goes on.

Then there're those who play juz to chat up little girls, but little do they know that most of the girls are guys....or...very fat girls.....that makes you wan to hook up with guys instead.

And there're those who spent 100000hours playing and getting their char lvl super high calling themselves pros and other noobs. But I seriously don't see any skill required to play maple, hmmm....mebbe...time management? He managed to play 25hours within a 24 hour time frame? If so, I'll give it to him, if not, he's better off chowing at a horse's penis.

Also, there're idiots, who I duno why, try to prove some points to other idiots playing together with them. Citing a very good example, the jc vs poly flaming. WTH, the jc guy's calling the poly guy idiot, dudes, this ain't a war between jc and poly, the two of you losers are on the same side, both of you are f'ugly MAPLERS for god's sake, why don't you two go outside and play hide and go fuck yourselves?

Lastly, sadly, which most of my frens can be categorised in, are those lamers who play to prove something. Jiaming plays so that he can hack and he gets a kick out of it. Tui phin plays cos Junhong plays and so that his sis can't use the comp while he's hogging it. Junhong plays cos umm...I duno, hmm, will ask him later. ( http://www.dessyway.blogspot.com ) to see how loser junhong is when it comes to maple.

Disastrous consequences
When you play maple, there is no point in playing unless you keep levelling up. And in maple, the only price to play for levelling is time, and that is what students in Singapore do not have, therefore, they trade in their studying time, for mapling time.

P.S. I'm different, I INVEST my time in WORTHWHILE games, games that I get orgasms from. The only thing I ever got from maple's spasms.

Let's cite some examples of pple getting adversely affected by maple.

JIaMing:
Period of addiction: During 'A' levels
REason for addiction: excuse for not studying
Results: CDO ? 2nd attempt btw

Tuiphin
Period of addiction: Since start of Maple till now
Reason for addiction: No money to even buy pirated games.
Results: He's the same age as me, and he'll still be studying when I ord.

Junhong
Period of addiction: As long as tuiphin, mebbe one day later
Reason for addiction: Unknown
REsults: Hasn't broken the 170cm barrier ever since he got hooked.

Therefore
Children, open your eyes, there's a beautiful world out there! Save Ugly Anderson's photo from the previous 2 posts and mail it to Asia Soft, we MUST stop this evil from spreading!

Alternatively, you can email or sms Oswald and jio him to play Maple!'

All in all, Maple is an extremely time-consuming game which induces violent intentions, yielding negative influences in the players' minds. Those who get hooked to it will be better off smoking and whoring as those activities burn off calories at least. Maple will only make you fat, ugly, retarded, crippled, stuck to you chair, and you'll never, ever, ever get laid, not in this life time, not in the next few to come. So pls, while there's time, salvage yourself, purge the evil, remove that piece of crap from you computer.


Hi.

The Nine Divines

Holy title, but I'm sorry, it's gonna be a shitload of content subject to eternal damnation.

What can be worse than seeing Oswald naked here? What can be worse than watching 'Never Say Die' on channel 8? Vote for Tay Yong Meng btw, Jiaming's bro, N6 I think. What can be worse than being on Poseidon? And what can be worse than being trapped in a room with Anderson for 50days?

Alright alright now, here take this tissue, wipe your tears and read on.


What can be so horrid....so vile......so.....so......evil....in nature...that it deserves an entry solely dedicated to it?? YES! You got that right! It's the evil that is MAPLE.(And also worth mentioning, Mediacorp's totally untalented, retarded and deserve-to-collapse-from-heart-failure-and-then-get-CPR-from-Anderson scriptwriters)

More on this mushroom chopping psychotic 'game' when I get back from camp next wkend, meanwhile, uninstall that unholy game from your kid's comp, or from YOUR comp if you're obsessed with it you sick piece of poop.

Hi, for now.

Bear Hunting Season

Today, we shoot bears, why. Cause it deserves it.

Let me tell you a story, a heart breaking, tears inducing, legs wobblifying(no such word fyi) love story, between a bear, a homosexual and a damsel.


Once upon a time, in the faraway lands of Tam Pines. There was a school, not just a normal school, the 'students' it trains, are not normal students. They're trained in all forms of reconnaissance, each and every individual has a different specialty, and Mr. Cai li here, has one of the strongest moves in school.

Having claws that can rip anything to shreads, jaws so strong it can bite anything to two and fur so thick it shields him from any physical damage, he was......a bear.

Bears are considered the strongest beings on Earth, and therefore, he got into the best class by default. It's both a good and bad thing, cos being the best demands the best, and he's not the best, cos he's just a cub at heart, not yet a bear.

But he worked hard, and managed to secure a spot in the second place, he aimed to be the first, but hard as he might try, he can't beat this guy
.

His name is Robi, and he's a lord from a distant land. People call him Gaylord for short, cos he is gay.


Ok, both hero and villain's been introduced, damsel leh? Wait ah, i go extract her out of her class photo using paint.


Ahh, there she is, k, now for the evil plot and setting...
One day, she walks along the corridor and Caili saw her, it was love at first sight, yadda yadda yadda.... Bad guy gaylord abducted her and Caili wants to save her. And so he enlists the help of 2 of his friends, who happened to be among the strongest heroes to ever exist.


The legendary Oswald, and Ugly Anderson. Without any delay, the trio embarks on the journey across the perilious staircases and through the dangerous canteen, to the classroom, where they will face the darkess, gayest, most terrifying gaylord they'll ever face in their entire lifetimes.

Upon entering the gaylord's lair, Umpteen armed men rappalled down from the ceiling and pointed their muzzles at Anderson.

Oswald screamed.

Anderson shrieked, "Omg, caili!! Are they gaylord's minions???!?!?"

Caili scratched his head.

"Wrong, dumbfuck, the principal has alerted the police of ur presence and we're here to arrest you."

"But why?!?! What have I done wrong?" With that, Anderson took off his mask and the police standing in front of him fell to the ground instantly, white foam spewing from his mouth.

"Omg! You killed Frankie! You bastard! That's it! You're coming with us!" The armed men put a paper bag over Anderson's head, then a plastic bag, then a rubber bag, then a helmet, then a school bag, then wrapped his head in a curtain, splashed a tin of nippon paint over, and lastly, welding the now-big-as-an-elephant-head in die-cast metal.

"I'm sorry boy, this is for the world's safety, we cannot let anyone else see your hideous face."

"Omg Oswald! Remove your hand from that poor man's crotch!"

"Oops."

"Get the science teacher, tell him we've got a case study for tomorrow's human anatomy lesson." Caili shouted to the students gathering around, pointing at the dead police's corpse.


Suddenly, the sky darkens.....and a shadow looms over the crowd......the ultimate evil has arrived...

"Mwahaha, give it up bear, I'm gonna steam ur paw with lotus roots and feed it to my dog!"

"Shuddup! You don't have a dog!"

"Yes I have"

"No you don't"

"Yes I have"

"No you don't"

"No I don't"

"Yes you have"

"Ha! Gotcha!"

Caili tugs at his hair....

"Oh no!! I'm down to 90hit points! Oswald! Do it while he's got his guard down, quick! Use the straight-guys-hate-gays-gun! Kill him in one shot" *strikes a 007 pose* "Hah! I'm gonna save you girl, don't worry."

The girl screamed and took cover behind gaylord....

2mins later....

"Umm Oswald...where's the straight-guys-hate-gays-gun? Why isn't the gaylord down yet?!?! huh? Oswald? Oswald!!!"

All of a sudden, screams can be heard from the kindergarten opposite, and there's Oswald, chasing after the little girls......one hand on his crotch, humming 'You Are Not Alone'.

Caili smacked his forehead in dismay.

"It's ok, I can take you down myself!"

"No you can't"

"Yes I can"

"No you can't"

"Yes I can"

"Yes you can"

"No I can't"

"Ha! Got you again! Noob!"

Caili tugged at his hair again...

"Oh no, one more time, and I'm outta fur, and I'll freeze to death!"

"I have no choice, but to use my ultimate weapon...."

Caili's fur hardened, teeth sharpened, and snapped in a soft growl..
"Grr....i'm...hungry...."
And so he was, and he gobbled Gaylord up.

And they lived happily ever after. <3




~~*--*~~*--*~~*--*~~The End~~*--*~~*--*~~*--*~~*--*~~

p.s. Thanks for staying with me throughout the story, sorry for the fucked up ending, but it was sweet, wasn't it? And umm...the above story was totally fabricated and none of it is true, cept for the Oswald being paedophile part and the Anderson scaring pple to death part. I hope I have not offended anyone other than Oswald, Caili and Anderson in this entry, if so, I'll mosaic whoever feels their social status is being threatened.

Hi.

Root of all Evil

No, it is not money, money will not cause you to fail exams, money will not let you get scolded by your mum. Money will not turn you into a racist.

So what is the root of all evil? What do you think? I've got a few things, that has caused me...much...trouble...

1: Counterstrike
2:Heroes 3
3: Shining Force 3

And the ultimate evil: Neverwinter Nights

Huh? All games? Well I'm a geek, what the hell do you expect.

Getting old down here, the 4L guys have been in touch for the umm....*counts with fingers* 6th year, I hate you Oswald.

We knew each other when we were sec3 and what do we do most together? Play cs and bball. And you'll think that 6 years later, we'd have grown up and matured. Mature your si lang tau, it's worse now, now we only play DOTA, we don't even play bball, *lifts up shirts and pinches the side of the tummy, sending off a ripple of fats, all the way to the southern cross*

And the ACNE, omg!! It's contagious I tell you!! Ugly has spread his disease to FTP and CAili and partially to Jiaming, it's slow, but deadly, in time, we'll all be acne-infested and spend our years rotting in prison after being found guilty of sight-harrasment in broad daylight.

Another 6 years down the road, what'll we be doing? Hmm....26year olds....clubbing? Beer? Poker? Cars? Hell no! I bet you, $400, it'll be Dota v63.42(current Ver is 6.32b), Caili mother's sugarless red bean bubur hitam and ACNE on the rest of our faces. Now u know why Singaporean guys are generally ugly. Pls sign my petition to put Ugly Anderson on death parole.

Therefore, in conclusion, the root of all evil: Oswald. Die, bitch.

Oswald

Hi, today, I'd like to introduce a friend. Meet Oswald, he's been my classmate for 2 dreadful years, and a friend for umm...*counts with fingers* the 6th year. It's a very short time considering the number of times he's fucked me up.

Oswald's an umm..interesting person, let's see, i'll touch on the various aspects of his life as I move on, but first, i'll give u a general impression of wad kinda person he's like.

I classify human beings into 3 categories, that is, human beings in a group of friends. No.1 pple are those with character, they're the 'leaders', they've a temper, they've got charisma, they've got humour, they make the decisions, or they break em. They're a must have in non-blonde-bimbo groups.(Of course, they don't neccessarily have all the abovementioned qualities, but they'll have one of em at least, they're the most noticeable in amongst the group.

No.2 pple are like the sidekicks, they're easygoing, generally good-tempered. They can be loud but nonsensical, soft but humourous, but never both. They're ur average pple. Being no.1 or no.2 doesn't reflect ur iq or whatsoever, it's merely a general classification of personalities. Most groups of friends consists of no.1 and no.2 pple.

And dear Oswald, he happens to fall into the no.3 category. It's the category that's not worth mentioning at all, as learning about it and remembering the pple who belong to it will only bring a frown to your face.

No.3 pple are pple with no self-esteem, they have absolutely no contribution to anyone, anything. They have tons of bad habits, which are further honed by many other shortcomings.
And sadly, they usually have exceptional talents which are buried deep within their tainted souls.

No.3 pple are those who will call u up and tell u he's organised a gathering, he'll tell u the time and place, and the pple who're going. And if u duno him well enough, u'll go there, and see total strangers there.

What the hell happened? Is he out to fuck u up? No, his intentions are good, trust me, here's what happened. He called u up, and he wants u to go, so he tells u that everyone's going, and everything prepared. So u agreed, then he thought to himself, he's gonna call up the rest and sae the same thing, then he'll book the bbq pit and it'll be a wonderful day, but first, he'll take a short nap.

U should be able to guess the rest of the story.

It doesn't feel right putting Oswald in the no.3 category, cos he's far worse than that, but hell, I'll save the trouble. Let's analyse Oswald. Bit by bit.

School:
He's a total misfit in school. Girls shunned him, teachers hate him, even his pe shirt stinks on him. Let's quote some incidents.

There was once, we were supposed to have a chinese lit test, and Oswald talked on phone with Junhong the nite before and they decided to cheat. The textbook was small and can be easily tucked underneath the table. So both copied the answers from below the table, but it's a risky act, cos ur head's gonna be tilted at a different angle from others, so you'll have to be extra vigilant when you're doing it. Junhong's a smart boy, he noticed Wang Wen Xian standing up and walking towards em, so he kept his book and kept signalling Oswald to do the same.

Oswald saw her coming, but he told junhong to wait a while more, he wanna copy somemore......it's a classroom ffs, it takes but 4 steps to reach ur table from the teacher's desk dude. So Oswald kept on copying....and Wang Wen Xian was standing behind him....watching....then he turned and met her eyes. Guess what he said...

"Wo3 mei2 you3 chao1"

Woot! *stamps loser chop of Oswald's forehead*


We had a umm...monster in our class, shan't sae her name, but she's Junhong's best friend. She looks atrocious I must say. But we're civilised pple, and we do not judge a book by its cover. So pple normally try to be nice, or they simply avoid her. Saints treat her as a normal human being. I'm the type who keeps a safety distance of 7m at all times. Tuiphin doesn't have to react to her cos even she doesn't want to talk to him. Salvin flirts with her. Anderson's the same as her. Juehai's in mosque and won't see her. So that leaves Oswald, how does he face her? He covers his face with both hands and scream. Wth. Can u get anymore insensitive?

Caili looks like a bear, and there was a period of time, oswald would juz hug caili from behind and pat on his stomach and sae that caili is very cute, and he want to bring him home to rear as a pet. It's ok to do that, but it's not ok to do it consecutively for a week.

Even though Oswald's been deemed gay by us, he's still determined to prove that he's straight by expressing to us his interest in girls. He used to have this crush on umm...Weiqin? Ya. And he likes to sae that even if weiqin strips in the bus stop opposite, (insert positive or negative act depending on fatigue level). Yes, that's how shameless he was.

And in tpjc, everytime he has a crush on this girl, Jiaming, being the good fren he is will go flirt with her. And how will Oswald react? He'll sae "tsk", touch his hair, and pat Caili's tummy and say he very cute. Then he'll like another girl. Jiaming has been a busy boy.

Oh ya, after 'O' lvls, he got everyone to go poly with him, then he decided to transfer to tpjc, ugly and jiaming followed, poor tuiphin and junhong got left behind. So he's in tpjc, and then he heard that tp girls vv pretty, so he transferred to tp in his first year. Then he realised that the girls there are not so pretty after all, so he transferred back to tpjc, thus needing to repeat another year. Sigh...


Punctuality

One of his plus points, he's normally only late by half an hour(one of the earliest). There was once though, he was late for school, and he went to the void deck opposite and slept till school ended -.-


Family


Totally dysfunctional, who the hell are the osbournes? Meet the Oswalds. His parents are pious christians, and his brothers a thief. And he's the victim. His mum once told him not to mix with us cos we're bad pple cos we're not christians. He cried cos his sister stole his chocolate. And his dad hates him, you can tell from his pocket money. No, it's not discipline, it's not control, $4 a week is abuse.


Friends

Ahh, he's one lucky boy, he's got good friends. Tuiphin verbally abuses him every chance he's got, Jiaming flirts with all the girls he like, I defame him with blog entries like this. And Junhong makes him cry by promising they'll not study and fail the test together but Oswald fails as promised while junhong gets A. Salvin's nice to him cos he's gay. CAili's the nicest bah..he lets Oswald pat his tummy...but he got bite back Oswald de...hmm....


Good Points

... ... ... ... ... ... .... ... ... ... ... ... ... .....(can't see the words? Umm...try encoding? huh? still no? well mebbe it's cos I only put dots cos there's nothing to sae in this section)


Looks

Remember the guy who sang careless whisper super softly in Singapore Idol, there's a 92% resemblance between Oswald and him and 100% similarities in volume of voice. You can't hear OSwald speak, he's soft spoken, but u sure can hear him scream when you're watching movies. Yes that was us sitting in front of you when you were watching reincarnation, no we did not have a girl with us, it was indeed Oswald who was screaming.


Umm, this photo has been edited using paint by Jiaming and Ugly, the two of them did not take this photo together. Note the resemblence between oswald(left) and careless whisper(right)



Good points, seriously

......my cursor's been stuck here for 30secs and I still can't think of any. Screw you Oswald.
Okok, he's got piano grade 8 and he makes jm's pick-from-rubbish-bin electronic keyboard sounds like a real $4k piano

Ok, that's all I'll have u bear about Oswald, anymore bout him and you'll go to frenster, find his account, and spam him, no wait, frenster didn't let him create an account, it read: "Fuck off, loser, you've got no friends, so don't waste our bandwidth"

Yeah, wondering why I'm doing this to my fren? Well, cos I'm bored? Huh? Whether it'll affect our frenship? WEll mebbe, he mite get angry after read this post...then he'll go "tsk..hmm" *touches hair* mumbles mumbles...then i'll go "HUH?" Then he'll laugh and say "nothing...nothing.."

HAha, btw, evry fact I provided, is true, mebbe not to the minute details, but still, true. And if ever, u have a chance to acquaint him, pls, spit at him, do it fer me, fer us, fer the world, say no to terrorism, to world peace!

Hi.